I will survive...

This might come as a bit of a surprise, but I am a bit out of shape. [GASP!] I know-- shocker! ;)

When I got to Holden Village last week, after the shock and awe of the beauty of the mountains, I was struck by one thing: how very UNPREPARED I was! I didn't do any sort of exercise to get ready for the higher elevation or steep climbs. I also didn't pack the right kind of footwear!

Day one we met some friends who invited us along with them on a hike Sunday morning. A 9mi roundtrip, "moderate" hike at 3900ft. My first instinct was to say no. There was no way my first hike was going to be a long one. I needed to start simple, with one of the 1-2mi hikes. Acclimate myself to the elevation, etc. But, not wanting to be left out, I agreed to go along, despite my better judgement.

It started off just fine. I was keeping up and feeling good. For the first 30min. The next 30min were alright. But, I was still feeling ok. And then the last leg of the hike-- up, up, and more up. We'd been warned by some other hikers that it was coming. And it was as rough as they'd said. By the time we finally got to Hart Lake, 2.5hrs after we began, we were super psyched to see that lake.
I whipped my shoes off and stuck my aching, hot feet in the icy mountain lake waters. And then we laid back, had some snacks (no lunch, because we stupidly forgot to pack them!), and rested. But eventually we had to pack up and ready ourselves for the long hike back.

And the return trip was even worse. Though much more of it was downhill, my body was exhausted and I just couldn't keep pace with the group. Emmy kept me company at the back of the pack. I started to notice that I was stumbling more-- because I was tired, and because the sole of my left shoe was starting to come undone. And then I started to notice soreness on my heels. Ugh, blisters. But, I powered through. Hungry, thirsty... I kept going.

When we finally arrived at the trail head, I couldn't remember being more pleased to be anywhere! I had survived!

Unfortunately, the hike left me with a HUGE (and somewhat painful) blood blister on my left foot. Though I woke up the next day feeling good (not sore, like a couple of my friends), my hiking days were done because of that blister. No way getting around it. [sigh] Bummer...

But hey, I did it!

Christmas-- the birth of Emmanuel, "God with us"

This was such a fabulous Christmas for me! Truly a season, not a day...

It began with an early trip to Milwaukee to see my friends and family. We celebrated an early Christmas together, which was filled with everything I love: my nephews and other family, good food, silliness, games, laughter, and quality time with friends. A real blessing. And once I left, I felt like the busyness of the gift-giving, make-the-rounds-to-the-family part of Christmas was over so that I could just ready myself for worshipping the coming of the Christ child, God with us.

And that's truly what I felt, that God was with me! Trinity's 4 Christmas Eve services were wonderful. Especially the children-friendly "stations of the manger" service we did with various characters of the Christmas story in costume as they told the story to traveling "shepherds" played by every child in the congregation. And then seeing 1000 people between the 4 and 5:30pm services was neat. After the services I was invited to the Hulden family's home for dinner, which was very sweet. (And delicious.) But my favorite part of Christmas Eve was the late service at 11pm, which finished in peaceful, candlelight after midnight, whereupon Pr John leaned over to me and whispered "Happy birthday!"

On walking home that night, I experienced profound peace and joy. The sky wasn't pitch black, but rather a twilight-y sort of mystical color. And as the snow started falling gently, I looked around and thought, "yes, God is here." Happy birthday to me, indeed!

Christmas morning was quiet, with a lovely worship service. It was followed by a delicious lunch with friends, a much-deserved nap!, and then games, drinks, and birthday cheesecake at my house to round off the day.

After worship the following day, I got on the road and made my way to the home of my best friend's family, where I spent the next two days eating, relaxing, and playing, and feeling as though I really was experiencing the truth of "family Christmas!"

Finally back at home after it all, I felt more content than I have in a long time! There's something special about being surrounded by people who love you at the holidays... :-)

Lonely

I hate to admit it, but it's true... I'm lonely.

I'm no stranger to new places. I move ALL THE TIME! In and out of communities. And for the most part, I enjoy it. I like the change of scenery, experiencing new people and new ways of living. I like the opportunity of seeing the world from a new place, new perspective.

And yet inevitably it means creating new relationships. Or trying at least.

It's only been three months since I moved into town. And less than that that I've been in my new position at work. So, in some ways, I really just need to give myself a break. Relationships take time. But, I must say that I thought it would be easier to get to know people at Trinity because there are so many people to know!

Trinity has about 4000 members! I know, right... tons of people to get to know! Folks at Trinity come in all shapes and sizes, ages and interests. Which is neat. Except that I feel like there is some unseen barrier between me and everyone in getting to know them.

It's true that I see about 500 people on any given Sunday, so you think it'd be easy to engage with folks... but the truth is that there's almost TOO MANY people to actually talk to anyone. And so I am pastor. Who leads worship. And who teaches classes. And who sends emails and hosts meetings. But I am yet to be the pastor who is involved in peoples' lives. Nor do I feel like many are involved in my life.

I am not looking for the church to provide me with all of my socialization needs. But, I was hoping it would be an environment where I could truly create meaningful relationships with folks. And that has happened with only a few so far.

And that's not the whole of it. Then there's my whole "private" life to contend with... trying to meet people in town. In the midst of work and busyness, etc. And trying to not have to compete with my life at church. [sigh] It gets lonely not having a strong core group of people here who I feel like I can always be myself around. Who share similar interests and activities.

I pray for the perseverance to keep extending opportunities to build relationships, both at work and in my home life. And I hope for a community I can truly call home.

ANGRY GOD

Angry God.

I was told today, by my good friend Dave Scherer (Christian rapper Agape), that ours is an Angry God.

[stunned disbelief] What?! How could you say that?! Not MY God!!!

And then Dave schooled us a little bit... (as he tends to do...)

About 30,000 children die a day of hunger-- don't we want God to get angry about that? People perpetuate hate crimes against their neighbors every day-- don't we want God to get angry about that? Wars are waged all the time, motivated by greed and power-lust and hatred-- don't we want God to get angry at that?

The Bible is filled with tales of God's righteous anger at the injustices in the world. This anger comes from God's intense, intimate, and passionate love for the world, God's creation. And where there is suffering and when God's people could do something about it-- God gets angry. Not because God doesn't love us, or that our obedience earns God's favor, but because we participate in the work of redemption in the world. We get to be a part of love, grace, and peace in the world-- in our homes, schools, jobs, and communities.

Ours is an Angry God, who cringes at the sight of suffering, injustice, and inhospitality. Ours is a Savior who overturns the tables in the Temple out of righteous anger at religious hypocrisy.

Thank goodness mine is a faith that embraces dual forces, paradoxes-- so that I can praise a God of love, angry at the injustices Her beloved creation endures!

Girlfriends

I'll admit-- most of my life I've had more male friends than female ones. It just seems that I get along with guys better. Now that I am getting older, I continue to have many guy friends, but I am appreciating more and more my girlfriends. In fact, at this stage in my life, most of my closest friends are women.

In my new role as assistant pastor at Trinity, I am on a pastoral team with 5 male pastors. And they are great! Very supportive and encouraging. However, I knew from the beginning of my time here that finding women pastor friends and mentors was going to be important for me.

And so I've done just that. With a couple of women, actually.

But yesterday, I had the most incredible lunch with a certain pastor. She and I hit it off right away... We had LOTS in common. And she had such grace and wisdom... and sense of humor! It was a delight, truly. Before we knew it, our little lunch had turned into a 2 hour affair. :-) When I walked away, I did so feeling like my soul had been fed. And like I had a new friend.

Thank God for good girlfriends!

POOF-- You're a pastor!

So, I know this isn't a real surprise... I mean I have been working towards this the last 4 years... but actually becoming a pastor has been a real trip!

In all of the preparations I felt like I was planning a wedding. I hadn't really thought about it before this summer, but it takes a lot to make an ordination service happen. I had to get the bishop on board to preach and preside, had to work with the church (pastor, secretary, music director, etc) to get the liturgy, logistics, and any special music planned, and get in touch with local pastors to participate in the service. I had to invite all my friends and family and plan a dinner/ activities for people who were staying in town that night.

And when I wasn't doing all of that, I was trying to figure out just what it meant to be a pastor. No, what it meant to BECOME a pastor...

I thought a lot about this, especially since as my ordination day approached it became apparent that too many family members and friends didn't realize how important a day it was for me. My own brother didn't take off work to come. And other friends and family had dinner plans or other engagements that kept them from being there. Now, I understand that people are busy and that they have responsibilities, and I know that I am not the center of the universe, but I was a little hurt that so many didn't know how much my ordination meant to me.

I wonder if the disconnect was because those same people didn't really understand what an ordination really was. It isn't like it's an every-day occurance. What IS the difference between graduating with your Master of Divinity from seminary, and getting ordained? Why does an ordination make you a pastor?

During the week of my ordination, I began explaining that an ordination service is kind of like a wedding ceremony. Before a wedding, two people spend lots of time getting to know each other, planning, and preparing not only for the wedding, but most importantly for the marriage. By the time the wedding comes, they are fully in love. Note-- they've already made the committment to be together. However, during the wedding, they make that committment public. They gather with all of their friends and family and declare their love and intentions. Their relationship is blessed. And then the community gathered says, "Yes, we see your love and affirm it. And we promise to support you in your lives together." At the end of the day, after the wedding, they are no more in love and no more committed than when they woke up that morning... but during that ceremony they somehow became married.

I think that's kind of how an ordination is. I have been on this path of faith towards ministry for a long time. And I'd been planning and preparing not only for the ordination, but for a life of pastoral ministry for years. At the time of my ordination, I was fully committed to this call and felt truly gifted and skilled for that work. During the ordination service, I declared my faith and made promises about my ministry. Then my calling was blessed by the bishop and other pastors. And then the gathered community affirmed that call and promised to support me. And then I was a pastor... Was it the magic of the bishops hands on my head or some special words that did it? No. But it was the public declaration, affirmation, and community accountability that made me a pastor.

And that is incredible!

Tropical Get-away...

So, Mangalore is quite different from Bangalore. A coastal city, it is noticably warmer with high humidity, tall palm trees everywhere you look, even more brilliant flowers, and sometimes the faint hint of sea air.

Yes, we are definitely not in Bangalore anymore.

This leg of the trip has changed pace a bit-- not so rushed and jam-packed with lectures and visits, etc, but more casual with time to sit and reflect. Yesterday we had an incredible day of visits to a Jain temple, a local farm (with 1000 acres of pineapples, other fruit and nut trees, flowers, etc.), a home for elderly men and women which served us lunch, and a boarding home for girls aged 6-20 which provided us with dinner. At each of these places we had time to wander, talk, and at the last two places, sit, nap, and/or play on the playground. I've enjoyed this more relaxing pace.

Our final destination of Mumbai (which we leave for tomorrow) will surely be different, yet again, from both Bangalore and Mangalore...