security… Security… SECURITY!!

For the last week of my FTE research I loaned myself out to the Event Staff of the Western States Youth Gathering in Anaheim, CA. The Safety and Security folk scooped me up and so I’ve been working with them. I’ve never done “security” before, and it’s been pretty interesting. Because it means I have a precarious relationship with the youth. In their minds, for all practical purposes, I’m the bad guy. I hate being the ‘bad guy’…

What does my job entail? Patrolling the events/workshops for good behavior. Helping in the case of an emergency, particularly medical emergencies. And making sure kids keep curfew and are where they’re supposed to be. Now, I did not realize that the job would entail making sure kids didn’t fight in line at the Dance Dance Revolution arcade or that I’d have to be “that” adult at the dance that kept kids from grinding a little too closely. I also had to kick random hotel guests out of our rooms because they were trying to get friendly with our girls…

I didn’t want to be too strict, because that’s just really not me. I mean, I will let you know what needs-be-- no doubt-- but I don't want to be hypocritical. I don't find lots of things to be too damaging or harmful to kids. But, I also needed to do my job and make sure everyone followed the rules. Which meant that for the most part, the kids responded well to my proddings. As I was doing my rounds after hours last night, I ran into LOTS of kids partying outside in the hallways. I had empathy for them—I was right there when I was in high school… But, I just asked them to keep it down and to get to their rooms, where they could stay up as long as they wanted for all I cared. I said I knew they just wanted to hang out because they weren’t tired yet, but I just honestly said, “Hey, I’m just doing my job. Don’t make this difficult for me. I’m not gonna go find your youth directors, just get to your rooms and you can hang out all day tomorrow when the Gathering goes to the beach.” And surprisingly, (actually, not so surprisingly) they listened. One girl whined, “Ugh! You’re being so nice about it! So now I feel guilty… And I still like you even… “ haha… That made me feel good. Like I said, I want them to be where they’re supposed to be, but I don’t wanna be the bad guy—though I will be if necessary! (Which I was a couple of times with lurking guys who kept creepin on my high school girls!!)

I guess this just goes back to what everyone this summer has said about effective youth ministry—that young people really do appreciate boundaries. Tough love is quite effective. And taking the time to listen to them, even if the end result is still you telling them to move their butt, goes far in their minds. They might even still like you when it’s all said and done! :o)

Never too old...

Today was my last day at CCLM—it’s been a great week! I stayed for a big celebration they were holding for their adult learning students in their Plaza Comunitaria program. Today, 44 adult learners receive scholarships from the Mexican consulate in recognition of their achievements through the program. The programs included literacy classes (in English and Spanish), computer classes, and other skills. With these classes, adults can achieve certifications awarded by the Mexican government, that they can take back to Mexico with them. Thus they can go back to their country better educated and able to find better paying jobs.

It was a pretty big deal! They had a representative from the Mexican consulate, the superintendent of schools in San Bernardino, and guests from the Mexican government (in Adult Education) attend the ceremony.

One of the guests, a woman from the Mexican government in the Education Department, for adults, said that to go back to school as adults was an extremely brave thing to do. She said that it takes courage to seek out to learn what is unfamiliar and to work to better oneself. She said that what was most important about these adult learners was that not only were they bettering themselves, but that they were making life better for their families, too. She said that when kids see their parents taking classes and dedicated to being their best possible self, it inspires children to do the same. It’s a powerful motivator for families.

I tend to agree. When young people can see their parents attempt to break the cycles of oppression (poverty, lack of education, language barrier, etc) they start to see the possibilities of the future. They start to have hope… (And let me tell you, some of the kids at the ceremony were SOOO proud of their parents up front getting the awards—they cheered the most!)

someone to talk to

Yesterday was quite the day for me. I had the opportunity to volunteer at the clinic. At first, neither I nor the family nurse practitioner in charge had a clue what I should do. I didn’t really know why I felt like I should be there for the project, except that I knew it had that new program for sexual and reproductive health for young people. So I went to see and learn about the clinic and the people they serve.

Well, Candace, the FNP, decided I could sit in on the visits, as long the patients said it was alright. All of the visits/consults were in Spanish and they were all with women. I was struck by a common denominator among the women, most of them had physical symptoms and ailments that were the result of (or enhanced by) living particularly stressful lives. Stress was taking a physical toll on their bodies and health. Just another reminder that we are holistic beings…

What impressed me the most, though, was Candace’s presence with the patients. She was so attentive, caring, and compassionate. You could see it on her face and in her eyes and hear it in her voice. One could tell she was in this business because she loved people and cared about their well-being and health. What was interesting to me was that though what she was doing was clearly a ministry, she told me she didn’t believe in God. Hmmm…

Anyways, I think the Spirit moved me to be at the clinic that day for more than just the chance to see clinic visits. One woman came in with multiple ailments, and as Candace asked about her history and living conditions she learned that the woman was in an abusive marriage. Candace told the woman, Ricky,* that a pastor was visiting the clinic for the day and asked if she’d like to talk to her… So, I was approached and asked to talk to the woman. Wow.

The next 30 min turned into my first ever pastoral visit done in Spanish. My heart hurt for this woman who was caught in a destructive marriage of 16 years, with 4 kids, and who was bound by a family and culture that told her it was her job to keep the family together. She was hurt, sad, frustrated, and most importantly lonely. I let her tell me about her story, her kids, the marriage, her lack of support by her family, esp her mom, and her hopes and goals. We talked about her needs versus the needs of her children. She wanted what was best for them, above anything else.

I assured her that I knew that was true. But, I also said that she is the most important teacher and role model for her kids, and that they see everything (even more than she thinks they see)! If she herself is unhealthy, lets herself be manipulated, controlled, and isolated, and doesn’t strive to achieve her goals, then that’s the environment her kids will grow up in. She said she didn’t want her kids to feel as lonely or as helpless as she does… We then talked about resources and help she can get.

There were times when I was terrified. Mostly because, as in any pastoral visit, I felt pretty helpless. Despite the language thing… The other thing was, that I had to come to terms with the fact that she will only get help so far as she is ready, and I can’t push to make that go farther. I didn’t want to be judgmental, or try to tell her that I knew what was best for her or her family. I tried to listen and to show her options, give her resources—since that’s what she said she felt like she didn’t have. I hope she makes a call or attends one of the women’s groups we talked about, but if she doesn’t, I just hope she left feeling like she wasn’t alone and that she wasn’t a failure…

Let's talk about sex....

At the all-staff meeting at CCLM yesterday, one of the biggest topics that was discussed was sex education and reproductive health. The clinic is in the process of receiving funding to give free condoms and birth control as part of a CA statewide initiative (of which I can’t remember the name right now), and lots of the women connected with CCLM—mothers and grandmothers—are in quite a stir apparently. The issue, of course, is sex.

In the state of CA, at the age of 12 a child no longer needs parental permission to receive STD tests or birth control. This is not ok with the many Mexican families who use the services at the clinic and CCLM.

The parents are quite conservative, usually, and want to protect their kids. What the staff were trying to communicate to the women was that things are different in the US and that kids are having sex much earlier. Refusing to teach them about sex, STDs, and birth control won’t stop them from having sex, as much as the parents try to shield and protect them.

The clinic was asked if some of their medical assistants would go to a few of the community classes CCLM offers for women to do a presentation on reproductive health and the culture of sex among teenagers today. When the parents (and grandparents) are better educated, perhaps the kids will be, too. At least it’s a start...

That said… When a visiting high school youth group was encountered with a rape scene in a video tonight about the dangers of crossing the border, those (white, middle class) parents had a similar reaction—they wanted to protect the kids from seeing such an explicit scene. Reality didn’t matter much, they wanted to shield the young, mostly girls, from the violence. When, the truth of the matter is that 1 in 4 women experience some form of sexual assault before they’re 18—which means that many of the girls there may have either experienced sexual violence or know someone who has. It wasn’t the kids who put up the fuss about the scene, either—they’ve seen worse. It was the parents.

Now, I can appreciate wanting to shield your loved ones from danger and even in wanting your kids to stay safe and protected in a world of sexual violence, teenage pregnancy, and STDs. And yet, ignoring the issues or trying to fast forward through the messy parts of life doesn’t help kids learn to become educated, responsible, healthy adults. Instill morals—great! Tell them how you feel and what your own expectations of them are—ok. But, to let them walk in the world with no resources or tools is dangerous. We create an entire generation of at-risk youth when we send them out of our homes, schools, and churches ill-equipped to manage things in the real world.

Caught in the middle

While sitting outside with Pastor Kalke and Michael, a young staff person with the clinic and the HIV housing program, I was introduced to a new term: POCHO. As they described it to me, a pocho is someone whose parents were born in Mexico, but who was, themselves, born and/or raised in the United States. Michael described himself as a pocho.

Pochos live every day caught in between two worlds, with cultures and values that clash each other. For them, there is always a difficulty in trying to balance family, language, and tradition, with an urban American culture. An example they gave would be to check any number of the young people at CCLM’s ipods—you’d see half traditional Mexican music AND half pop/hip-hop.

This conversation struck me because it opens up a whole new world of risk to young people, particularly immigrant families. When young people have challenges maneuvering through their worlds, whether home or school/neighborhood, they are more likely to have trouble feeling like they fit in. When young people feel vulnerable like this, I’d imagine they’re more likely to turn other means of fitting in, which could be things like clubs or jobs, but can also be gangs and drugs. I mean, what do you do when neither world you live in truly understands the other, and therefore doesn’t understand you?

**In some places, pocho, I’m told, is a negative term for Mexican Americans who have lost their Mexican culture and/or who can’t speak Spanish properly. In San Bernardino, with PK and Michael it didn’t seem to have that connotation at all.

New models of ministry

This next week I'm staying at the Central City Lutheran Mission (check them out at cclm.org). I'm pretty excited about it. The Mission does a lot of work with the poor of San Bernardino, CA-- especially undocumented immigrants (mostly from Mexico). So far I'm not exactly sure what I'll be doing or where I'll get to go, but there are enough ministries at the Mission that I'm sure I won't be bored. (Already I got to experience a summer Kermes fiesta last night-- complete with children's carnival, home-made Mexican food, and traditional folk-dancing. YAY!)

But, after talking with Pastor David Kalke, I've been thinking about what ministry looks like. Apparently CCLM was an ELCA 'congregation' until 2004, when it was kicked out of the church for calling a lesbian pastor. Pastor Kalke (PK) isn't plussed about it, though, because he says the ELCA doesn't know how to do ministry within non-white communities. He says even the concept of a "congregation" is a white middle class model... For CCLM, and many ethnic communities, a parish model is what they work under-- a community based model that is about gathering together people of a particular community/neighborhood, rather than about membership at a particular place.

When we start to look at ministry as being beyond church walls and membership, we can actually meet people where they're at. And then we, as pastors and churches, can accompany people as we all work to live out the gospel and help each other to live according to the blessings and goodness God has promised us.

This is probably especially true for young people, who are unlikely to be concerned with church membership. Young people, particularly at-risk young people, want to be connected, want relationships, want change in their communities and opportunities. These things can only happen when we open our focus of ministry, from a close-knit church club model to a community oriented parish model.

Partnerships

I was thinking about the last sentence of my previous post: And hopefully she finds other people or communities outside of camp that can continue that work of building her up year-long. Executive Director Anthony Briggs talked about the importance of these partnerships, too, when we talked the other day. He said, actually, that the key to effective youth ministry anywhere is cooperation and partnerships between all of the church programs that work with youth.

He said that not only do youth-oriented ministries need to realize they are all a part of the same body of Christ and work together, but they need to realize they’re all even more closely related than that. Lutheran Outdoor Ministries (camps), Lutheran Youth Organization (LYO), campus ministry, youth and family ministry, and Christian education are all fingers on the same hand working for the uplifting and betterment of young people. And only when all of these parts work together (and stop competing for time, numbers, and resources) to provide a more holistic approach to youth ministry can truly effective youth ministry happen, especially with at-risk youth.

Especially when it comes to camp ministry, he said, camp needs to work diligently to assure pastors and youth directors that if the camp isn't strengthening the church's everyday ministry, then they're not doing their job. Camps exist to assist in the [spiritual] development of young people along with the work of churches... not to take the place of it. I think Anthony's right on!

A bit of love to sustain her for the journey

Yesterday was the last day of camp. Everyone was getting their cabins cleaned and their things packed. There was a hanging feeling of anticipation, but not necessarily the joyous anticipation preceding the variety show last night, but rather more an unsure anxiousness. Most of the kids kept saying that they didn’t want to go home… they really loved their week at camp.

One girl really caught my attention and her story broke my heart. This young lady was one of the older girls. She’d been the first one to talk to me when I showed up on Tuesday, and she was so sweet. Very quiet, but polite and kind. And beautiful. Well, as the closing worship finished up and parents started arriving for the last barbeque lunch together, and then as the other campers and their parents or guardians picked them up, this girl was left alone. It turns out that her group home had forgotten to come pick her up… And she was so sad and upset. Apparently, though, this wasn’t the first time they’d forgotten her or were late.

Because the other counselors had an all-staff meeting, I was asked if I’d sit with her. Of course! I sat down on a picnic table with this sad, beautiful girl, and with concern and care, I asked her about how she was feeling. She told me about the group home and about how she’d known all week that this would happen. Then we sat in silence. I didn’t know what to do, so I asked if she wanted to play a game. She smiled softly and nodded yes. So, I pulled out my deck of cards and I taught her how to play War. Even though she eventually started kicking my butt, I noticed tears gently streaming down her face. She stopped playing… I asked her what she was thinking about. She said she was thinking about all the other campers and how they were probably all at home by then with their moms and dads. I tried to tell her that lots of kids didn’t go home with their parents, but she, rightly, said that none went home to a group home like her.

Then my little friend told me about how much she hated living at the group home and how they were so mean to her. She wanted to leave. Wanted to go back and live with her mom. She said that there was no one she could talk to at the home, and that she had no friends there. I tried to consol her by affirming her relationships and newly made friendships at camp, but she—very poignantly—said that this week at camp only made going back to the group home even worse. I asked her to say more about that and she said, “Now I know how things can be.” In this short week at camp, this young woman had experienced safety, openness, trust, and most importantly love. She said she loved everything about camp and that it made her feel special and wanted. People listened to her and she had friends.

After more silence then, and more tears, I asked again what she was thinking. She said, “I just hate it. I don’t want to go back. I don’t want to go… Why can’t I go somewhere else?!” More tears. And as I put my hand on her shoulders, I couldn’t think of anything else to say but that I was sorry she had to go back. She closed her eyes, and I said, “Honey, it’s not your fault, and it’s not fair that you have to be there.” She sighed what seemed like a sigh of release and more tears fell. I said, “It’s not fair. You deserve better. You are wonderful and are loved.” Then I asked if she knew that. She nodded yes. I reminded her of the Bible lessons they’d learned about all week, about how God loves each person just as they are. She said she knew that, but that it was hard. My goodness, how wise this 13 year old is… wise beyond her years…

Eventually she wanted to finish the card game, which she ultimately won. And then she went with her cabin counselors to clean up once they finished their staff meeting. As she was leaving she gave me a hug, and I told her that I was glad I met her and that I hoped she always remembered that she had friends who cared about her and a God who loved her. Then she left.

Her story is why I am doing this project this summer. Because reaching out to at-risk youth matters. And is soooo needed. This young girl lives most of her life in a hell few of us have ever, or will ever, know. But, one week a year, at least, she’s able to go to a place that really makes her feel loved and wanted. Strong, caring, affirming, listening, and supportive adults, along with other peers who likewise want to have fun and be cared for, helped to create an experience for her at camp that gave her peace of mind and built up her self-esteem. It gave her just enough hope, just enough love, to get her through her dark days. And hopefully she finds other people or communities outside of camp that can continue that work of building her up year-long.

A place and time apart...

So, I am officially a new convert to the idea of camp ministry! These last couple of days at Camp Yolijwa were my first ever at a summer camp, and they rocked my world... In only a few short days, amazing transformations happen in the lives of these young people. In very bold and exciting ways, these campers learn that they are cool, they have friends and people who care about them, and that God loves them. In only a week... it truly is a place and time set apart where amazing things happen.

This week Yolijwa had campers from DCS/ foster care AND 'regular' kids. What was so incredible was that just by looking at them you'd never know which were which... which is kind of the point of this project. In some ways kids are kids. All amazing and resilient, and all vulnerable in different ways. I was really amazed by this particular group of kids, though. They got along sooo well! The older kids (13-14) were really good with the younger ones-- not just 'babying' them, but also playing with them. Also, the boys and girls got along great. There were VERY few disciplinary issues as far as I could tell. The campers all wanted to be there. Of course, at the beginning some of them didn't... The older ones especially thought they were too cool to participate. But, by the end of the week they were the most vocal and visible participants! A couple of the 14 yr old boys were a bit of a handful and would get a bit wild, but as the counselors and staff kept reminding them they're the role models for the littler kids, they seemed to respond positively.

Role modeling is one of the key features of camp, it seems. Not only big kids to little kids, but also counselors to campers, and even senior staff to support staff. There's a lot of positive influencing, encouraging, supporting, and affirming that goes on. Executive Director of Camp Yolijwa (and their partner camp El Camino Pines), Anthony Briggs, says that when he's hiring staff he looks for good role models. Folks who are well-rounded and diverse, honest, trainable/mold-able, and have good boundaries, and who are not afraid to talk about their own fears, struggles, and faith journeys (with their peers and the campers). He says that spiritual development happens among the campers when they can see their positive role models modeling happy, healthy, and most importantly fun faith lives!

When we'd ask the campers what their favorite parts of camp were for the week, so many of them said, "everything!" It just goes to show that with just a little bit of good weather, some outdoor games, one-on-one interaction between awesome adults and kids, a whole lot of patience... and silliness, and a lot of love, great youth ministry is possible!

God sent me an angel...

I don't know what I did to deserve her, but God sent me the most incredible angel this week. I was getting really nervous as the California leg of my trip was approaching because the first week of my visit was still completely unplanned. I had no interviews set up and most importantly NO PLACE TO STAY! (Things just kept falling through.) And because I don't know as many people out in that area, I knew I couldn't just wing it...

Well, God answered my prayers and blessed me beyond belief. A friend recommended I talk to a pastor who recommended I call Pastor Sue, a local pastor in N. Hollywood. She was interested in my project and said she'd see what she could do about helping me find some connections and a place to stay... and boy did she ever! First she met me near the airport for lunch (which she treated me to) and then she escorted me the 2.5hr drive to where I was going to be staying. She hooked me up with a place at a Lutheran Camp out here in the mountains-- Camp Yolijawa-- for the rest of the week. (The camp happens to be hosting foster care kids this week, which is perfect for my project!!) Then she brought me a sleeping bag and pillow in case I'd need it, and a map to get around. She also made a call about my 3rd week plans to volunteer at the Western States Youth Gathering because her sister is one of the directors. I mean, this woman couldn't have been kinder to me. Plus, she's just a hoot!! Sooo funny and easy to talk to. During our lunch yesterday I already felt like we were bff... :o)

It's amazing how things can just come together like that. And this visit couldn't be more perfect if I'd had it planned for months. God's great like that! Thanks to Sue for making this last part of my research happen!!

I can't wait to write more about my experiences here at the camp-- it's my first time ever at summer camp!

Strong Adult Leaders

So, I meant to post this weeks ago after my time in Camden and Bethlehem, but... obviously I didn't.

STRONG ADULT LEADERS-- that's one of the key ingredients to doing effective youth ministry, particularly with at-risk young people. So, what does a strong adult leader look like? Well, when I was at Urban Promise, I saw some incredible young adults serving as the leadership team with the kids and Street Leader teens. These interns (mostly college kids from around the country-- and world) had a heart for kids. One woman in particular, the assistant director, was amazing! She had such a good rapport with her peers and the Street Leaders, and the kids just adored her-- everyone wanting her attention or a hug. What was different about her? She listened intently to people, showing real interest, care, and concern. She was funny and playful, which helped the kids to relate to her. And from my short interactions with her, I'd say she was pretty non-judgmental as well. She was happy for people to be who they were, and she loved them right there for it.

When I went to volunteer with the middle school summer camp program, I was unsure how that would work, seeing as though I was a white, middle class stranger who was coming in just for a day to hang out with the kids. I wondered if I'd feel completely useless or conspicuous, and if the kids would react well to me. Luckily I'm not shy, and so I was able to jump right in pretty well. I noticed that the kids, even though they didn't know me, showed me lots of respect and listened to me-- sometimes even more than their regular 'teacher' (who I must say was a bit passive and unassertive).

I also differed in my approach to the teens. The summer program is like summer-long VBS and I was in a "hodge-podge" classroom that happened to be making a 4th of July snack. The snack was pretty messy, but I always made sure that the area was clean before and after each group came into the room, because I think the kids should see that they're important enough to deserve nice things. The regular teacher went for the economic/ time-effective route and waited to clean up until the very end. Also, because the treats were so yummy, several kids kept trying to steal bits and pieces while no one was looking. Once I noticed that, I further packaged things up. I didn't want the kids to have the temptation and wanted to lessen the opportunity for them to take the items. The other teacher thought they were old enough to know better, so did nothing. I agreed that they should know better, but offered that it didn't hurt to help them out by not making it so easy. Then there was free-time to play games and stuff after the snacks were made. I tried to find some kids on the edges of the room to play games with-- one 6th grader even kicked my butt in a mathematic strategy game! I was a little surprised that the other teacher just sat on the side and didn't play.

By the end, many kids knew my name and gave me hugs as they left. Just the little effort of trying to get to know them and just BE with them helped me out, I think.

Then, when I went to Bethlehem to visit with the Southside Ministries coalition summer kids program, I saw some other great leaders. Southside Ministries was doing a month long program with neighborhood kids, and it was only on day 2 when I went there to visit. But, it was clear that the kids were having a really good time. There weren't many kids in the program, so the staff-kid ratio was high. And the kids seemed to respond very well to the teachers. I sat in on the music portion mostly, and the leaders worked very well with the kids-- from letting them climb up onto the piano bench, to helping them to carefully memorize lyrics, to affirming and encouraging kids to do solos... you could tell that the leaders cared about the kids.

I think that strong adult leaders: listen, make kids feel special and important, are able to be on-level with kids (play with them, joke with them), are encouraging and affirming, and really love what they do- working with kids.

building up leaders in a sad, sad city

I spent most of my week in Camden, NJ. Overall impressions? Camden is a sad place. Really overrun, dirty, and... poor. Lots of buildings boarded up. Few restaurants, but lots of little convenient stores. It just seems like it's a depressed place. If I had to describe it more, I would say that Camden to Philly is like Gary, IN to Chicago.

But-- what did I do? I went to Camden's Urban Promise. On Tuesday I had a meeting with their executive director, Bruce Main. He told me a bit about the organization-- which really impressed me. Urban Promise started in the summer of 1985 as a way to keep the many kids in Camden's neighborhoods busy during the summer. By 1988, they decided that a year-round program would be a good move. Thus they started after-school programs for during the school year to go along with their summer camp programs. They eventually began their own high school and elementary school, too.

But, the best program I think Urban Promise does is their Street Leaders Program. This program is a way to keep kids involved as they grow older. Specifically it employs high schoolers and gives them leadership development. Professional development, pre-college skills, college visits, and impressive resumes are only a few of the things kids walk away with. It's a huge pay off! These teens get necessary job experience, but also meaningful employment. They learn that even as teenagers, they can make a difference in their communities. And it gives them ownership of the entire Urban Promise program, because they have real responsibilities and decision-making power. This program has helped to create an alternate community for kids, where it is cool to succeed. The high peer standard helps to elevate the whole group. Because, specifically, this Street Leader Program helps to build hope, which is so lacking in many of these communities. It addresses the culture of failure so prevalent for many of these young people, and lets them experience success.

And, from what I experienced with the Street Leaders when I volunteered for a day with one of Urban Promise's summer camps, the Street Leaders were pretty awesome! All of them live in the immediate neighborhood and so have a certain 'street cred' with the kids. They are funny, out-going, and well-respected among their kids and their peers. As I watched them organize the kids, lead songs and games, direct the kids, and maintain discipline, I saw how the Street Leader Progam works. And works well...