someone to talk to

Yesterday was quite the day for me. I had the opportunity to volunteer at the clinic. At first, neither I nor the family nurse practitioner in charge had a clue what I should do. I didn’t really know why I felt like I should be there for the project, except that I knew it had that new program for sexual and reproductive health for young people. So I went to see and learn about the clinic and the people they serve.

Well, Candace, the FNP, decided I could sit in on the visits, as long the patients said it was alright. All of the visits/consults were in Spanish and they were all with women. I was struck by a common denominator among the women, most of them had physical symptoms and ailments that were the result of (or enhanced by) living particularly stressful lives. Stress was taking a physical toll on their bodies and health. Just another reminder that we are holistic beings…

What impressed me the most, though, was Candace’s presence with the patients. She was so attentive, caring, and compassionate. You could see it on her face and in her eyes and hear it in her voice. One could tell she was in this business because she loved people and cared about their well-being and health. What was interesting to me was that though what she was doing was clearly a ministry, she told me she didn’t believe in God. Hmmm…

Anyways, I think the Spirit moved me to be at the clinic that day for more than just the chance to see clinic visits. One woman came in with multiple ailments, and as Candace asked about her history and living conditions she learned that the woman was in an abusive marriage. Candace told the woman, Ricky,* that a pastor was visiting the clinic for the day and asked if she’d like to talk to her… So, I was approached and asked to talk to the woman. Wow.

The next 30 min turned into my first ever pastoral visit done in Spanish. My heart hurt for this woman who was caught in a destructive marriage of 16 years, with 4 kids, and who was bound by a family and culture that told her it was her job to keep the family together. She was hurt, sad, frustrated, and most importantly lonely. I let her tell me about her story, her kids, the marriage, her lack of support by her family, esp her mom, and her hopes and goals. We talked about her needs versus the needs of her children. She wanted what was best for them, above anything else.

I assured her that I knew that was true. But, I also said that she is the most important teacher and role model for her kids, and that they see everything (even more than she thinks they see)! If she herself is unhealthy, lets herself be manipulated, controlled, and isolated, and doesn’t strive to achieve her goals, then that’s the environment her kids will grow up in. She said she didn’t want her kids to feel as lonely or as helpless as she does… We then talked about resources and help she can get.

There were times when I was terrified. Mostly because, as in any pastoral visit, I felt pretty helpless. Despite the language thing… The other thing was, that I had to come to terms with the fact that she will only get help so far as she is ready, and I can’t push to make that go farther. I didn’t want to be judgmental, or try to tell her that I knew what was best for her or her family. I tried to listen and to show her options, give her resources—since that’s what she said she felt like she didn’t have. I hope she makes a call or attends one of the women’s groups we talked about, but if she doesn’t, I just hope she left feeling like she wasn’t alone and that she wasn’t a failure…